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a bunch of little diddies ... [20 Jul 2005|01:54am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Is it diddies? Or ditties? Or none of the above? Either way, you get the point. I took a few of those little memegen things, and hahaha. Ok. You'll see the first one and you'll know why I posted. And of course, they are ALL about OTH. Bad addiction. Bad habit show. It's really starting to suck a big one so why do I continue to torture myself? *shrug*

So without further adue,

What your life would be like if you were on One Tree Hill. by obsessive__love
Favorite Color
Best FriendErika Marsh
Person you are cheating on your boyfriend withMouth McFadden
ParentsKeith & Jules
HobbiesSports Radio Annoucing
Super Saying"It's worth nothing if you can't knock down the shot."
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Ok. Erika Marsh - Best Friend. Eh. Would have rather had Brooke. HaHa. BOYFRIEND - FELIX. RIGHT! *eyeroll* My fellow friends that are aware of my obsessivness for this show know that I CANNOT stand Felix. I've never liked him. Always had a bad bad feeling about that good for nothing boy. Person Cheating on him with -- Mouth. Well, that's an improvement to say the least. But come on, where's my Jakey? Parents -- Oh GOD, shoot me know. Keith AND Jules. One or the other... or PREFERABLY NEITHER! Yuck! Hobby - Sports Announcing.. LMAO!! OMG, 'nough said.

Now this I agree with. Super saying - "It's worth nothing if you can't knock down the shot." Tyler is mah girl! :)


Which guy from One Tree Hill, should you be with? by kay_less_than_3
guyLucas Scott
day you meetOctober 2, 2004
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Figures I'd get the cheater/liar/DUMBASS! Again, where's my Jakey? Come on now. I don't want LUCAS or NATHAN. Just Jake! :)


Which One Tree Hill Star will you date?(girls only) by Kimsters345
Lucky Number
Your Favorite CharacterCoach Whitey
Your date is...
It will take place onJuly 18, 2036
He will spend this much money on you$346,950,490
You relationship will end on:March 15, 2044
Between the first dat and last he said I love you588,381,939
Quiz created with MemeGen!

LMAO!!!!!! OMG. THIS IS JUST PERFECTION. I've always said I had a slight crush on Paul Johansson. Gotta love the evil mastermind of Dan the man. But HAHAHAHA. I freaking LOVE it!! Another coincedense. March 15. Dallas Texas. One Tree Hill Concert. I met BRYAN GREENBERG! :)


Which One Tree Hill Guy Are You Destined For? by madegirl16
Favorite Color
Favorite Band
Favorite Character
You Are Destined ForJake
You Two Will Meet OnDecember 9, 2005
His first thought about you will beI'm going to marry this girl.
Quiz created with MemeGen!

It's about DAMN TIME. That's what I thought. I will marry you, Jakey! :)


Which One Tree Hill character will you have sex with? by cherryxcutie
CharacterPeyton Sawyer (Hilarie Burton)
Where it will happenIn your uncles bedroom
When it will happenAt a family party
Quiz created with MemeGen!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Which one will I have SEX with? PEYTON? LMAO!! OMG. I freaking LOVE these things. See that'd work out all well and good if I was a guy ... or let's say if I LIKED GIRLS! But Priceless. I love it!


And that my friends is the end of my OTH madness. Have a good laugh? I really hope so. Not so much has been going on in my actual life lately. Went to New Braunfels this passed weekend. Didn't have as much fun as I would have liked but what can ya do? Other than that I'm in Roscoe. That sucks. And I got in to UNT, I'm pretty sure... Or I think? LoL. Guess I should find out for sure right? But I'm pretty sure I did.

Other than that. Nada, or I don't want to type it all out.

Leave Love, chicos & chicas!
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life sucks. [21 Jun 2005|04:34am]
[ mood | blah. ]

So i've basically come to the conclusion that no one freaking believes in me at all. Sure, i'm a little drunk, and I don't care about spelling things right, right now. I'm drunk. And yeah, this could have a little to do with the way I'm feeling, but probably not. Now, that I'm drunk, I'm just more supseptiable (spe?) to feeling it all right now.

My dad pretty much thinks I'm a nothing, and that I will continued to be nothing. He compared me to to my cousin, who finished her bachelors in 2 years b/c she went to summer school. And because I haven't done that, he thinks I'm desitined to be a failure, which of course, doesn't give me too much hope for the future.

I almost wish that my lump was cancerous. Isn't that sad? So at least then, my father would realize that I am someone, and that I am human. And that I shouldn't be taken forgranted.

Maybe then he'd see that my tickets were only tickets. That things could have been worse.

Isn't it sad that when I got into a wreck going 90miles an hour with a fertilizer rig, he asked if I'd been drinking first. Not if I was okay. Or if my car was okay, that was his second worry. But if I'd been drinking.

In fact, that was my whole families concern. 90 MILES PER HOURS. And they asked if I'd been drinking. Not if I was okay. They didn't seem to care about that. Granted, my dad didn't know that I was going 90miles per hour, but a wreck is a wreck right?

Gotta love parents.


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BLAH! [08 Jun 2005|02:39am]
[ mood | angry ]


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no title ... just more stress ... [05 Jun 2005|01:54pm]
[ mood | a little nervous ]

As if my life wasn't hectic enough. On top of all the run-in's with the law I've had that a friend that is currently in Iraq even heard about. Hmm. And I thought it was just small town gossip that went far fast. Guess I was mistaken, right. A few days ago, I got a personal email from him, telling me that he's heard that I've gotten into some trouble. Yeah, I have, but I'm working it all out, right?

Well, like I said, on top of that I've got more gut wrenching news. Late last night, as I was going to the bathroom like normal people do, I leaned over and suddenly the small area between my thigh and my ... girl spot (?) felt really sensitive. I looked down to see if I had gotten a bruse by some reason beyond me, and there was nothing there.

Then I felt the tender spot, and what do I feel? A lump.

That in itself freaks me out. There was that Real World kid, who had cancer when he was 19, so you know it can happen to anyone. You don't really think it can, but I guess it can, right?

Plus, cancer practically runs hand in hand with my family. My mother's mother (my grandmother) is currently dying of cancer. She had it in prostate, I think, first and then she did chemo, all that junk, and I think it went into remission. Then suddenly, it came back. It is also in her female area and the doctors can't do anything about it because of the position it's in so that leaves a good feeling in my stomach, I bet you can imagine.

Also, my mother's fahter (my grandad) had it. I think it was in his colon? I'm not for sure on that one either, but luckily he's okay.

And my father's mother (my memaw) had breast cancer. She lived through it too, but you know, that's a lot of odds against you, right?

To top things off, my mother had to get a benign tumor removed from her throat when I was in 3rd grade or so, and now, my sister, Ashley, has a lump in her breast that she won't go get checked out. Yeah, I know she's stupid sometimes.

I called my mother as soon as I woke up to tell her about, and she just seemed to think it was a cyst, that it was no big deal. She told me just to wait a few days, and if it got bad, then I could set up a doctors appointment. If it doesn't get worse? Don't worry about it. That makes a girl feel really great.

I know that there is a good chance a cyst is all this is. I realize that I'm probably being overly dramatic, but my own mother didn't seem to be bothered at all while, on the other hand, I am terrified. With my families history, who wouldn't be?

And Ryan Thompson pulled me into his room last night to talk about it. It was almost 3 when I found out about the lump, and if I would have just sat at home, I would have worried myself sick so I had to leave, get out, and do something. Well, DeAnna was there, who I called as soon as I found it. And then she called Becky, and I guess told Thompson.

So he pulled me in and wanted me to tell him what happened. I had already known that he knew, not because DeAnna told me that she told him, but because that boy is easier to read than a freaking book. And I know DeAnna more than she'd like to admit. I know the way she thinks, and I know she'd tell him. He said he made her, and I believe that too.

Anyway, he wanted me to tell him, but the words never once came out of my mouth. He told me about his families medical problems. About how his father was before his father got cancer, and how he turned his life around by having faith in God. I believe in God for the most part. I don't go to church because I don't believe you have to go to church to be spiritual and have faith. I don't believe that and I won't let a single person tells me otherwise. But on the other hand, I do not want to have God thrown in my face when I'm in a situation like this. It doesn't make me have faith, it makes me angry. And I don't like it.

So while he was talking to me about faith, I just nodded and half-way tuned in him out.

Then we started talking about DeAnna and the night was focused on their soap-opera drama the rest of the night. I had to tell Thompson what he didn't really want to hear, and I had to tell DeAnna to pick a boy and only that boy or to be alone. My personal preference was that she not have anyone right now.

I'm single, and I'm leaving in a few months. I realized the other night that unconsciously, when my friends started getting boyfriends, I drifted away from them. When Becky was dating Elliot and when DeAnna was dating Jeremy, my first year of college, I never saw them. I think I went out of them a total of a weeks worth during that semester. Then when Jeremy and DeAnna broke up, and Tori started dating Shiloh, I started hanging out with DeAnna again.

I just don't want to look at these couples where all they do is look at each other in that way, and kiss. I told DeAnna that the other night, and I asked her to cool it with Thompson just until I've left so that way I'll get to spend my last few months with my best friends. She said she'd try, but all last night, as I was playing worst case scenario in my head, Thompson was singing and staring at DeAnna like she was the only person in the room, and DeAnna would sometimes pay attention to him, and sometimes now. But when she did. She always had to kiss him.

Last night was the second night in three days that I've cried myself to sleep. Plus, I've been on the verge of tears ever since I woke up. Stress is a killer, right?

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an update [26 May 2005|11:58pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]

So this is to all of you that are biting to the brim of your nails (is that even right?) waiting to hear about my, um, situation. LoL. I went to the Municipal Court today, and the lady I talked to was much nicer than the lady on the phone. Turns out, the lady on the phone didn't know what the hell she was talking about. So if I do Deferred Judification or something then it won't go on my record, and I WON'T get my lisence suspened. Granted, it's like 50 dollars extra, but for the unsuspended lisence, I'm willing to pay it.

So I went with that. I have a buttload of shit to do, but I've got like 2 months or so to do it all in so I'm not that worried. My mother asked about my money today. What am I supposed to tell her? That I'm pay off an MIP. HaHa. Nope. She already was bitching about the speeding ticket.

A couple day later, even though I'm still going to have to pay a shit load, things are looking better.

I can convince my parents, I'm sure to pay for my actual speeding ticket that they know about. They probably know they are going to have to anyway because I don't have a job or any income. So yeah.

And my little sister didn't splurge when she went to the mall today just so she could give me the rest, plus 25, plus like 50 in change. That's why God invented coinstar.

Oh yes, and I didn't get stopped on my way home. GOOD JOB AMBER.

Other than that, I'm bored with typing. And nothing happened.

So ta ta.

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wow, my stress meter is sky rocketing ... [23 May 2005|04:32pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

Ok so breaking news. My MIP is 370 dollars, including court costs. I don't have 370 dollars, I have 260 dollars in my bank account. Plus, I have a speeding ticket to take care of too. Just PERFECT. And I still have to get my no insurance ticket dropped somehow. Oh yeah, and I need an inspection sticker, which is two months expired by the way.

Murphy's Law. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

My life could not be more shitty than it is right now. HaHa. I take that back. I'm probably going to lose my driver's lisence on Thursday, and then I have to drive 6 hours home with a expired inspection sticker mostly likely. Please pray that by some mircle of God I actually get home without being arrested first. Maybe if that happens, I'll believe that there actually is a God.

Sad how quickly a person can lose faith when they are dealt a shitty hand. DeAnna said something about karma, but what did I do to deserve bad karma? They made fun of a homeless guy, they got out of an MIP. I just laughed, didn't say a word, and I got a speeding ticket AND an MIP.

Perfection, right?

Yeah, cops are GRAND. Gotta love that justice system.

So let's make a list:

1. I got a 175 dollar speeding ticket.
2. I got a 355 dollar 'no insurance' ticket.
3. My inspection sticker is expired.
4. I can't get it renewed until I recieve a current form of insurance.
5. My dad handles my insurance so he'd have to send it to me. Even then it'd take 3 or 4 days to get here.
6. I might get kicked off of my dad's insurance and might have to start paying for it all myself. This is my 3rd speeding ticket.
7. I can't pay for my insurance myself.
8. I'm moving.
9. I don't have a job.
10. I just got a 370 dollar MIP.
11. I'm going to get my lisense suspended.
12. I'm going to have to do community service. GROSS.
13. I'm going to have to take a alcohol awareness course.
14. I only have 260 dollars in my bank account. As you can see, without a job, that will not be enough to pay for it all.
15. I'm going to have to drive home (4 hours) Thursday without a license.
16. If I get stopped, I go to jail.
17. My dad doesn't and can't know about the MIP.
18. And it all fell apart within 3 fucking days.

But there is a plus.

1. If I'm granted to be able to pay my MIP in a payment plan and if I don't miss the payment deadline, I won't have to pay an extra 25 dollars.
2. At least the hectic and complex stress will only make me that much stronger. HaHa. *ROLLEYES*

I wonder how many times I can say this.


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all i want is freedom, a world with no more light (i think) [21 May 2005|02:10pm]
[ mood | hungover and very pissed ... ]

Ok so the wonderful world of Amber gets INCREASINGLY better, just you wait. Wow, and I truly did think I had a boring life. In the time span of THREE days, me, with the best luck in the ENTIRE world, somehow manages to get a SPEEDING TICKET. (81 in a 70. Perfection.) And an MIP. Wow. I love it. Do you?

Two days ago, since DeAnna, Becky, and I promised Kyle we'd go visit him, and even though I really didn't have the money to go, we did. Hit negative in my bank account, and no job. The list still keeps piling up.

I'm moving in a few months and now I have this to take care of. WONDERFUL.

I haven't told my dad about the MIP being that I just got it last night, and I don't think I'm going to. I really can't. Because I just got a speeding ticket, he'd make me go home FOR SURE, which would suck. Move back in with the parentals. Yes, I love it.

I don't want this to be that long because frankly, I'm hungover right now. Go figure. *insert eye roll*

I wasn't drunk when I got the MIP. I was sitting out on Becky's balcony. They were smoking, and I was just chilling. DeAnna told me to put my drink down, and I didn't get it down before the cops showed up. The asked me what was in it, I told them. They asked my birthday, and it took everything inside of me to tell them the true. I turn 21 in just a few months, seriously.


On the bright side, they had to call the firetruck earlier that day to get some boy out of a compromised sexual ... position I guess with a peice of wood. HaHa.

Yeah, I love it.

Every cloud has it's silver lining. Although isn't it sad, that that's mine?

[Edit]Ok, so apparently, that wasn't enough. A speeding ticket, a no insurance ticket, and an MIP. To make the oh soooo wonderful week better, I'm not stuck without a mode of transportation. Please, could my life be anymore like Hell?

So I got drunk last night, as you all may know, hence the MIP. Well, technically, that came before so whatever. DeAnna and I got a ride home from Rusty, and I called DeAnna today about our cars. She started calling around, and apparently, got Becky to come pick her up. But because things were so spur of the moment, she completely forgot to call me that lives just 2 houses down. Now, her parents are in town and Becky is going to meet her so that they can go swimming.

Meanwhile, I'm stuck here. I need to go to Walmart to get stuff. I'm hungry and I have no food in my house. I haven't eaten all damn day.

Wow. I love my life.

Can you catch the TINY hint of sarcasm in my words?


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my new best friend ... [02 May 2005|11:17pm]
[ mood | a little more calm ]

Isn't it weird how things can go from completely comfortable to crazy and hectic all in the blink of an eye? I had a long talk with my dad today, and he seems to think that moving to Dallas is probably best thing for me. My grandparents are really close, well as close as Weatherford, if ever I need anything. And it's ... I don't know.

It's just really weird. I never expected to encounter a problem like this. I was scared to go off to college from high school, when I wasn't going to be alone, when I was going to have like 5 other graduates attending with me.

... Now, I don't.

It's just me. That's it.

But maybe some good can from this? Maybe it'll force me to break out of my shell. I usually don't openly meet new people. They have to be introduced to me through a friend, and even then, sometimes I'm not so welcome. Now, I'll have to step out on my own and do it. Could be a growing experience for me, right?

Well, at least I got the optimist thing down pat.

I haven't even told my room mates yet. Tori had an accident with her dog, and she spent all day at the vet. Apparently, he got out sometime, last night and either got into a fight or got shot. His hip, I forgot what side, is completely shattered, and the vet is going to have to put a metal plate in it to repair it. That's going to cost 2500 dollars. And she still owes me 150. But I can't ask her for it now, not after what happened to her dog.

September 12 is my 21st birthday, and I don't think I'll be around anyone I know to share it with. I'll probably come back down on the weekend. Either that, or DeAnna said she was going to kill me! LoL.

I'm a little worried about Dallas crime and being there on my own. But that will only make me stronger, right?


Think happy thoughts.


So I guess what I'm going to do is take a few hours here a Blinn and transfer into Dallas this fall.

Kyle wants me to go to Baylor really bad, but I don't think that is even a possibility. So expensive. All private schools like that are. *shrug*

I don't know.

Whatever happens, it's meant to be, right?

*nods to self*

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it has to be monday ... [02 May 2005|04:53pm]
[ mood | worried ]

So I had an advisory appointment today, and I was actually reall excited about it. Because since the last time I'd seen an advisor, I figured out what I wanted to major in. And it was today, that I was going to declare my major and start working toward that goal. I had an appointment set up for today, at 1 oclock.

I get there, and I express to my advisor what it is that I want to major in: journalism. I've always loved to write, I do fairly well at it, and I'm always looking to improve on that skill. Plus, I was loving the idea of working up to working on magazines and things of that nature.. I suddenly had it all figured out so naturally, I was eager to get started on it.

Turns out Texas A&M is doing away with their journalism department. My advisor didn't give me a specific reason as to why, but the class of 06 is the last class to have the opportunity to major in journalism at A&M. I'm class of 07. My advisor said that I could major in Communications and get a certificate in journalism if I was wanting to just stay here, but a certificate doesn't even equal up to the same importance as a minor.

That was out of the question. I finally know what I want to do, but suddenly, I'm unable to stay here to do it. He sent to my email a list of colleges I could transfer to after Blinn this summer, meaning I'd be starting at the chosen college this FALL. I had plans of moving in with Becky and DeAnna, but I don't think that is going to happen now.

I've gotta leave College Station in order to pursue the major I want. I can either go to Houston, which is 2 hours away from here and 6 or so hours away from my hometown. San Marcos (which, E, is right by New Braunfels :)), which is still 2 hours from here, just in a different direction. Dallas, which is 4 hours from here and 4 hours from home, or I could commute from CS to Sam Houston.

I've pretty much ruled the last one out. Huntsville, where Sam Houston is located is only a 30 minute drive from here, but with the gas prices being so outrageous, I couldn't afford to do that, especially on top of rent and bills.

So I really have no other choice. I HAVE to move away from here. I have to go to a place where no one else knows who the hell I am. I had my high school friends here. Now, I won't even have that.

It's a little scary, and a little confusing. I don't understand how all of this could have happened in such a short span of time. But it did, and now I'm left with another choice.

Where do I want to go now?

My answer? I have no fucking clue.

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time is on my side ... [02 May 2005|02:04am]
[ mood | tired ]

Wonder where I got that from? Just watched 'Fallen' with Denzel Washington. E said to me at one time that it was a really good movie and a must rent. I FINALLY rented it. And my verdit? I LOVED it. Yes, she was right. It's a really good movie, with really good drama, action, and twists.

Nicely done on that one.

And another note. That (^) is not really why I came here to offer an update into my life. I went to a Frat party last night, didn't get particularly WASTED, but I was drunk enough.

In the beginning of the night, I went to DeAnna's bar and drank a few, not a lot, of Smirnoff Ice Green Apple drinks. Like 2, I think? Then when that bar closed, DeAnna went to Adam, Justin, and Ryan's, and I went home. Doug was in town, but I didn't go see him. And needless to say, they didn't stay at my home last night. Wonder if he knew that it was because of Andy? I felt bad about not going, but frat party or Doug's show with no Andy?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

So yeah, DeAnna went to Ryan, Adam, and Justin's, and I went home to wait for her to call me, when she was ready to go the frat party. As I understood it, she was going to go home to change first. So I started watching SNL. It wasn't that funny, I grew bored really quickly so instead of continuing to watch, I, too, went to Ryan, Adam, and Justin's. It wasn't that great of there.

But we stayed there for like 30 more minutes and left for the frat party. DeAnna decided she didn't want to change. Becky, Me, DeAnna, Kris (Becky's B/F), and some of his guy friends all loaded up in two vehicles and we starte for the party. When we go there, we had to park a few blocks away b/c the parking was getting so crowded, and they were restricting it for people with parking passes.

After that, our next obstacle came. Without a second glace, Becky, DeAnna, and Myself, the only girls in the group got in swiftly. The boys on the other hand were another story. Because they were men, they weren't allowed in without a wrist band so they had to go. Becky left with them because Kris, of course, is her boyfriend, and DeAnna and I opted to stay since we had seperate vehicles.

She felt bad at first because she thought that Becky was mad at her for doing so. When we finally got a hold of Becky, she said she wasn't. So then DeAnna started drinking more. I had 1 shot, like 1 to 2 margrias, and a few beers. Like I said, I wasn't wasted, but I was drink enough to have a good time.

Josh, Micah, and Zack were they. Zack was drunk and HILARIOUS!

DeAnna and I put her purses in some guys car which would later come back to bite us in the ass. He was a member of the frat, and we asked him for a place to put our purses. Eventually, he led us out to his BMW and said we could just put them in there. When we were getting ready to get them, DeAnna and I walked out to see that the car was now gone. I freaked. I think DeAnna was still a little too drunk to notice. I tracked down like a lot of frat boys and were like do you know anyone that owns a blue BMW, 4 doors. We narrowed it down to a guy named Alex, I think. When they tried calling him, his phone went directly to voicemail. I was panicked.

Later, as we were standing near the enterance gate, still trying to find the guy that had our purses, I spot him walking up. I flip out and ask him where the hell has he been. He and His friend explained that they had to give a drunk person a ride open and then lead us out to get our purses that were still in his car.

What a RELIEF!

After that, we ended up giving a random boy a ride home? B/c he asked, I guess? LoL. Eric, I think his name was.

Then I drove DeAnna's car back to get mine. She ended up calling Jeremy on the way home, and I remember being really pissed at her for doing that. I was drunk too. And I didn't think it was a good since that she was DRUNK DIALING her EX. I just thought the girl was never going to learn. I remember telling her not to talk to me tomorrow b/c I was so pissed. Yep, alcohol probably helped with my rage a little! Lmao.

So over all? The night was fun. I forgot how much I love Frat Parties! Fun stuff.

Oh, and today, I got to ride in my dream car. A BMW Z3 Roadster. I actually want a Z4, but I'm not going to complain one bit! It waas sooo nice. Not at all like a regular convertable. You can't really feel that aweful wind in your face and it going numbr from her hair hitting it feeling. LoL. Yeah, it was good!

Anyway, it's late and I have an appointment with the adviser tomorrow. Nite all! :)

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just a small update. [24 Apr 2005|04:17pm]
[ mood | awake ]

Nothing too big .. I just too this little quiz and thought it was interesting. Friends was a great TV show and I was bored so naturally I wondered. What Friends Character Am I?


Is it really a shock to anyone? Out of the 6 friends, I am the most like Rachel. What I thought was funny though that I was 95% like Rachel. HaHa.

So Funny.

You scored as Rachel. Popular and stylish you're Rachel. You can be a little vain at times but your heart is in the right place.














Which Friend are you?
created with QuizFarm.com
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disappointing expectations ... [11 Apr 2005|01:51am]
[ mood | blank ]

It's been a while since this actually happened, but I haven't been up to writing in the LJ, and with everything that has happened since my last entry, this is what seems to stick in my head the most.

I've admitted it to a few people, and I have no clue who all, if anyone, reads this, but I'll now admit it to everyone. I'm not ashamed. I'm just not proud of the circumstances. Anyway, I like Andy. If it hadn't been apparent before with all of the entries that I posted about him and Doug's band, and how much of a great guy he is. And how funny he is. But I do. I like him.

I know it's wrong. I know he's married. I know he's 30 (biggest shocker of them all).

Anyway, a few weekend ago, Easter weekend in fact, DeAnna and I scheduled a trip up to visit our friend Frank, or at least that was my excuse. I was planning on taking a trip up to see Doug's band on the 25, and stay for Frank on the 26th. I wanted to see Doug mainly because I wanted to see Andy. I wanted to get drunk with him, and I wanted to do crazy, off the wall stuff like we do soo many times before. I wanted to let loose and have a good time. He's the only boy that can seem to actually make me do that.

I'm always concerned with the consequences of my actions. I can never just do stuff risky on a whim. I'm scared that if I get drunk and go wild, a guy will think that it's all I am, and he'll think that he can get anything from me. And I'm scared that he'll sink to any level just to get anything from me.

But when I'm with Andy, I can spray people with fire extinguishers, and walk outside with cops and firetrucks surrounding the area without a second glance. Sure, I was scared when I saw that cop, but not to an overwhelmable extent, not like I would be if I was alone in this, not like I was when DeAnna and I ran from a cop a LONG ASS time ago. And when I met back up with Andy, I laughed about the closeness.

Well, enough with that. I'm sure you get the picture that I went to New Braun. to see Andy. However, when DeAnna and I arrived there at RiverRoad Icehouse with Frank, I immediately noticed that it was unusually quiet. It was passed ten o'clock. Andy would have for sure been drunk by now, and I kept straining to hear him from across the bar. The bar wasn't that crowded yet so I really go worried when I didn't see him anywhere.

DeAnna and I decide that we go sit down, so we go by ourselves. Instantly, I mention that I don't see or hear Andy anywhere. I think that maybe he couldn't make it, but the website did say it was FULL band. Then I begin to think that he and Jimmy might have gone to pick something up somewhere and would be back shortly, but they never came back. And DeAnna soon pointed out that drums weren't even set up. I was beyond confused. Andy had have been there.

Finally, Bassist, who didn't even recognized me at first (I don't know why? Maybe it was the fact that I was wearing a Camo SKIRT and not just plain pants), came up to us and as soon as he was able to sit down, I instantly ask where Andy is. He hesitates for a moment before saying that Andy and Jimmy aren't with them anymore.

My heart stops, I am almost positive. I can't believe what I've just been told. There was absolutely no way. When Andy joked about it after Robbie got fired, I assured him that there was no way. Doug always bragged about how awesome his guitarist was. He said Andy could play anything and everything, and that wasn't ever an exaggeration.

In Steamboat, Andy played accoustic guitar while everyone sang a various of 80's songs and old television show theme songs. He knew every single cord to every single song, and I was just amazed by it all.

I never thought the day would come that he'd be fired, but alas, it has. And I'm heartbroken. I feel so bad for Andy. I know he took it hard when Robbie got fired, and I just wish I knew how he'd ended things with Doug. I just wish I knew he wanted to continue.

Gaww .. Why does life suck? My homewreckerness is over now before it could even begin.


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vain much ... [27 Mar 2005|08:36pm]
this is my result for the same test E took ...

[info]amber2403 is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

haha .. i love myself .. is that how that goes? longer updating coming up next.
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you're always 17 in your hometown ... [05 Mar 2005|04:58pm]
[ mood | tired ]

So techincially it wasn't my hometown, but does hometown friends count? Two guy from our high school drove the 6 hour drive to come up and hang out with us this weekend. It was soo much fun. I didn't start out the night with them. Instead, I helped the roomie sell merchandise for Aaron Holt. He opened up for Doug Moreland the night that we all sold merch for them at 3rd Floor, apparently. LoL. I didn't really remember him until this ONE song. I don't know it, and I can't think of it now for the life of me, but when I heard it, it immediately became clear to me who he was. He did A LOT of cover songs, though, which isn't necessarily the best thing to do, but he was still a good singer and stuff. And the band was really good too.

That part of my night was pretty much uneventful. We just hung around the booth, and people would come up, ask stuff or buy it. LoL. Not too much more than that. However, there was this one time when the roomie went to get another beer. Two boys were walking down the steps, passed the designated area, and I was leaning on the table with the merch. One boy, so obviously drunk, and starts making coversation with me. He asks what I'm selling, and I'm like 'merchandise?'. LoL.

He wanted to specify and proceded to tell me, "Now if you tell me that you're the merchendise, then I'd say I was definately in the market." Okay, WTF? LAME! His brother or friend or someone was so obviously sober, or more so than the other one at least, and it was breath of fress air to see him step in when the dude was going way overboard. LoL.

He wanted me to sell him a CD, which are normally 15 but we lowered to 10 that night, for 5 dollars. I wouldn't budge. He made up a story that him and Aaron are buddies and that Aaron said it was okay. I told him to get Aaron down there and let him tell me to my face. Other than that, it's 10 dollars. He wouldn't give up, but I'm starting to think that it was just an excuse to stick around. He went on about supply and demand and stated that he was so obviously pointing out PHYSICS. Try Economics, bud. Lmao.

Anyway, at the end of it all, he ended up placing a 5 dollar bill in my hand and walking away. So Aaron got 5 bucks and wasn't out any merchendise. Yippie! And Yes, we gave the money to him. HaHa. I wanted to pocket it, but I thought that maybe I shouldn't. Though it could have helped out later in the night.

After the merchendise thing, I went with Tori to the Chicken so she could meet some friends that were in town as well. Then I got a call from DeAnna telling me that they were all up at Bourbon St. Bar. I was Tori's ride, but I told her I was leaving to see my friends that I haven't seen basically since graduation. That was 2 years ago. She found another ride, and I left.

When I got there, most of there were already drunk. Okay, that's a like. ALL of them were already drunk. So I had some catching up to do. Ryan gave me the rest of his beer, and bought 2 shots, one tequilia/one jeager, for me and DeAnna. I've got pics of us taking them. Pure Greatness. And then he bought me another beer. I LOVE free drinks! So let's see all I had eaten that day was a lean pocket, I believe, so buy then (yes, I know, not a lot of alcohol)I was pretty wasted. It was GREAT.

Then we all went to someone elses house. We drove down buy a lake, I guess, and just chilled on tailgates. It was quite like old times. DeAnna and Jeremy were fighting because Jeremy was pissed that Ryan, his friend, wanted DeAnna. Apparently, to him, it was all DeAnna's fault because she was a 'whore', as he liked to put it. WHATEVER. Well, I was drunk and when it comes to my friends, I'm gonna stand up for them. So needless to say, I got in Jeremy's face and told him to back off. It wasn't DeAnna's fault a BOY LIKES HER! She's a pretty girl, she's gonna get that, whether it be his friends or someone else.

He told me it was none of my buisness, blah blah blah. But when my friend is standing off, crying her eyes out because a boy made her feel like trash. Yeah, it'll become my business REALLY quick.

Well after all of that settled down as much as it was going to, we then discover that DeAnna has lost her phone. So me, DeAnna, and a girl I had just met that night, Laurie, I think, got into her truck and drove down the path while Larry and K.C., our friends from out of town, walked it with a flashlight. They got a head start so by the time we got to them, they had already found it laying on the ground. Jeremy, being a drunk dumbass, decided to ride on the hood of the truck so we were delayed with trying to make him fall off.

So anyway, in th midst of all of this, Jeremy's ride leaves him because he's too busy fucking with DeAnna. Go figure. So he doesn't want to ride with me because I pissed him off, and quite frankly, I don't want him to ride in my car. So he's like, 'I'll just walk back.'

The walk from College Station to his house is long enough, let alone the walk from the other side of CS out in the boondocks somewhere. Yeah, right. So DeAnna, Larry, K.C., and I get in my car, and we leave. I'm driving down the road. I told DeAnna I wasn't going to stop for Jeremy ... And I didn't! Lmao. He was off to side and I just passed right by him. Not too long after that, he calld DeAnna telling her that it was 'Fucked up that she didn't stop for him'. I WAS DRIVING THE CAR! It was my choice not to stop, not hers. But DeAnna kept saying that she felt bad so I turned back around to go get him.

When we got back, he wasn't there, he was hiding in the house somewhere. And DeAnna and K.C. went to go find him. They were taking forever, and I wasn't in the mood to wait so I back the car up, and have it facing the road, getting ready to leave again. Then here come, DeAnna, K.C., and Jeremy. Jeremy stops a few feet away and says that he doesn't want to ride with us. So I'm like fine, I got a ride home, it's you who doesn't. So I start leaving again, but I don't actually pull out of the driveway. DeAnna is still trying to get him in the car. So I get irritated, and I get out.

I tell Jeremy that if he's come, he needs to get into the car now. I'm offering him a ride now, but as soon as I get to my car, I'm leaving and I won't be coming. If anyone expects a ride they better be seated in my car before I get there. And Jeremy looks at me and just like, 'Okay, let's go.' Lmao. Whatever.

So we dropped him off at his house, and he's still yelling at DeAnna about stupid shit. But he gets out eventually. By this time, I had taken DeAnna to Bourbon to get her car that we left with after we left the bar. She is soooo drunk that she backs up and ALMOST hits my car. I flipped out! And then I back up, scared she's gonna do it again, and I ALMOST hit a car. It was awful.

But we got out. We got home. And we passed out at like 5 in the morning! Lmao. Craziness, I tell ya. Despite the High School BS, it was overall, a fun night. Tonight is a party at Jeremy and Travis'. A LOT of ppl will be there, I think. More fun! YaY!

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so true ... [02 Mar 2005|02:04am]
[ mood | amused ]

Ok .. 3rd update in a night, though, technically, it's the next day. Look at the time, everybody! But man, I just couldn't help it. I didn't plan on posting this at all, but it's sooo true, and it might give people an insight to me. I don't know. Sounds weird, but I was blown away by it.
Becky, DeAnna, and Anyone who really knows me will probably agree with this. I'm so distant and almost seemingly cold-hearted to people, such as my family. I never want to hug them, and crap like that. It's just weird for me. But my friends I cherish! Lmao. I didn't expect this thing to be that dead on. Whoa. F R E A K Y!

In your eyes, people see shards of ice
everywhere... You are cold and distant, pushing
away people that love you and truely care for
you! You want to be able to reach out and love
them but... You can't for some reason... You're
just too.... You :P Underneath that cold
exterior lies a warm, happy soul that wants to
let loose and have fun! Your sanctuary would
probably be anywhere up high where you can look
down on life below you, like the roof of an
apartment building... Your eyes resemble a
saddened, crestfallen person seeking out
attention, but doesn't know how to handle it.
However, you do find comfort from your friends,
they're always there for you, and they know the
REAL you :) Even though you do seem rather
cold, you can be very protective over something
you truely believe in or love. Let go of that
"tough" rep and just be you! It's
impossible to live life without some fun and
love ^-^

What Lies Behind Your Eyes? (With Pics, See All Results!)
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This was fun too .. Generally because it's about OTH. Didn't get the results I wanted because personally, I'm more a 'Brooke'. Lmao. But you know what, I get to cheat on my STUIPD ASS HUSBAND with a HOTT rocker, so I'm down! :)


Congratulations you are most like Haley James! You
are an intelligent person. You kick ass
mentally and physically! You like to talk a
lot, babble, and all that jazz. You are very
positive and believes that that "if
there's a
will... there's a way." You also have a good
sense of what is a friendship and rarely
encounters unnecessary drama in real life.

Which One Tree Hill Character are You Most Like?
brought to you by Quizilla

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[01 Mar 2005|09:54pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

2 updates in one day! Wow. But these are just kind quick ones.

Took the 'What Napoleon Dynamite Character Are You' quiz, and lo and behold, I'm:

You are Summer Wheatley and you hate cake.

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Really is that a shock to ANYONE? At least I'm not the token black guy!!! HaHa.

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[01 Mar 2005|06:33pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Survey... WOOHOO!!!


Birthday:September 12, 1984
Birthplace:Ft. Worth, Texas
Current Location:College Station, Texas
Eye Color:Green
Hair Color:Brown
Right Handed or Left Handed:Right
Your Heritage:American? HaHa. I don't know.
The Shoes You Wore Today:um, tennis shoes when I went to get food!
Your Weakness:Cute Boys! HaHa.
Your Fears:Too many to name.
Your Perfect Pizza:CHEESE! Yum.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:Get a job. Lmao. Seriously!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:LoL... OH SNAP!
Thoughts First Waking Up:Cry Me A River, since it was what I woke up to (My Cell Phone Ringtone)
Your Best Physical Feature:Eyes, probably.
Your Bedtime:3:00 a.m. I'm a night owl.
Your Most Missed Memory:When me and the roomie would go all across Texas on a whim and have the best time ever!
Pepsi or Coke:Pesi, I guess. But I drink Diet Dr. Pepper.
MacDonalds or Burger King:Burger King. MacDonalds has bad fries!
Single or Group Dates:Group. HaHa. I think I have a fear of intimacy! LMAO!
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:I used Lipton's packets. I don't drink that instant or premade stuff.
Chocolate or Vanilla:CHOCOLATE, what do you THINK?
Cappuccino or Coffee:Neither. Ew.
Do you Smoke:Ha. NO!
Do you Swear:Probably a little too much!
Do you Sing:Yes, all the damn time! I ain't ashamed.
Do you Shower Daily:LoL. There are those days where ya just don't wanna get out of bed, but I try to!
Have you Been in Love:I don't think so? LoL.
Do you want to go to College:Well, I KIND OF am.
Do you want to get Married:Yeah, but I don't know if that'll ever happen.
Do you belive in yourself:In certain areas, sure.
Do you get Motion Sickness:Nope.
Do you think you are Attractive:Yes, sometimes.
Are you a Health Freak:Ha. NO.
Do you get along with your Parents:When they aren't bugging me! :)
Do you like Thunderstorms:Not when they cause the lights to go out, and you're are all alone in the house, and you live in the country. SCARY!
Do you play an Instrument:I used to, in high school. Flute.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:HaHa. Hell Yeah!
In the past month have you Smoked:Nope, I don't smoke. Grossest thing ANYONE could EVER do.
In the past month have you been on Drugs:Nope, don't do that either. What's the point? NOT cool.
In the past month have you gone on a Date:Nope, never been on a date ever.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:YES! I have surprisingly. But I didn't spend any money. Probably a good thing, though.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:Nope.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:Nope, never eatin sushi. I don't like fish, and there is just something about it being raw that irks me.
In the past month have you been on Stage:I've been on a stage (I'm counting this month as in Feburary). Helped my buddies take down some equipment from their show.
In the past month have you been Dumped:No. I don't put myself in that situation.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:No. I think I've only ever done that ONCE in my life.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:No. I would think I'd remember if I had so No.
Ever been Drunk:Lmao. What do you think?
Ever been called a Tease:Yes. But I'm not.
Ever been Beaten up:No, I don't think so. I've only ever fought with my sisters and I could always kick their ass.
Ever Shoplifted:Like a pack of gum probably when I was young.
How do you want to Die:Not anytime soon. What kinda question is that?!
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:When I grow up? I am, and I still have NO IDEA! Journalist maybe? For some fashion mag! haha.
What country would you most like to Visit:Europe. More specifically, France! I wanna see Paris!
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:Blue
Favourite Hair Color:Blonde
Short or Long Hair:Neither. In between. Shaggy.
Height:5'10 - 6'1 I guess. Most of the guys I fall for are tall, like JT (6'1). Lmao.
Weight:Lean. Don't really know how that goes in terms of weight. I'm not a guy. But I'd take a Paul Walker over Vin Deisel ANY DAY!
Best Clothing Style:Abercrombie. HaHa.
Number of Drugs I have taken:Is this about the boy? I'd like for him to be, for the most part, drug free too. For Me? Only one and only once.
Number of CDs I own:Too many to count, sorry.
Number of Piercings:3? 2 in the ear. 1 naval piercing.
Number of Tattoos:0. Not a big fan of needles and pain! HaHa.
Number of things in my Past I Regret:1. Most definately.

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hungover again ... [26 Feb 2005|02:52pm]
[ mood | hungover again ... ]

Should it be alarming that the passed three REAL journal entries, I've always been hungover? Yeah, no, Amber doesn't have a drinking PROBLEM! The only way I can think of justify it is that, I don't update that often? LoL. So at least the gap between my drunken stupidness says something, right?

Anyway. Got drunk again last night. HaHa. Didn't expect to. But DeAnna and I went out ... I hadn't even planned on it. We went to Scooter's (?) first, where her roomie and some other people that I knew were there. I drank two beers there, and then it was off to Bourbon Street to see some other people we were supposed to me ... Lmao ..

It was fun. Got free drinks there all night, and I LOVE free drinks! I think I had 2 cherry vodka sours and a shot. Not a very good shot might I had ... What it tasted like it had milk in it, YUCK, and maybe Kahlua? I don't know for sure .. Buttery Nipple, whatever that entails, but it wasn't all that bueno.

Needless to say, I got drunk .... After the club, we went to somem other guys house .. Moved the party .. There I had a shot of Tequila, and I was done. Lmao. I couldn't even remember the words to a JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE song that I know by heart ... WEIRD. Lmao. And I couldn't remember the words to Wade Bowen's 'Who I Am', and if ya know me, ya know that is my by far most favorite song that Wade Bowen could EVER do! I'm freaking in love with that song, but I got the first line. Lmao. That was where I drew a blank.

'I love to watch the sun set as it fades behind the tree.'

That is as far as I got ... I'm sad, I know ...

But right now? I feel like ASS! I woke up, and I didn't take my makeup off last night. HaHa. I looked like DEATH! Now, I'm probably pale and nasty looking ... And I look like Death...

Getting drunk is fun. Sucks that there has to be a hangover that follows though.


On another note. Got the layout fixed up a little better. I think I might have to redo it thought to fit ALL settings. Someone told me that making the layout 800x600 could help with that ... It'll work the best for all comps. but I don't know if that is true or not ... I'm a little confused about it, but I might try that out later ..

Until then, wish me a speedy recover from this God Awful HANGOVER!


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that didn't last long ... [24 Feb 2005|12:20am]
[ mood | creative ]

So the Notebook was a little hardcore, and I'm too conservative to be sporting something like that .. LoL. Made me blush everytime I looked at it ... This is a little better, I think. I like the colors and it's of Steamboat .... YaY! So much Funny ... The bassist? Bottom, right I guess... HaHa .. Isn't he so cute?

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new layout ... [21 Feb 2005|01:26pm]
[ mood | creative ]

Yeah, it's kind of risque. I know. A little hardcore, but this is in honor of the Notebook and Take Me Back, my two favorites right now. And I don't know. I felt BOLD! Lmao.

I liked that scene. It was sweet and romantic ... And not to mention that Ryan Gosling is gorgeous beyond belief .... Don't know how long this will stay up, but *shrug*, it's not THAT bad, right?


Who am I trying to kid?

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